Friday, October 17, 2008

In Defense of Baseless Attacks


It has come to my attention that certain members of the student community have embarked on a malicious campaign to smear my good name. It is dishonest, hurtful and uncalled for. As a member of the faculty, it is my duty to bring this abuse to light.

First and foremost is the illicit use of my name. In no way did I suggest or consent to being featured in the student news article. The assignment as I understood it was to create a fictional fifth finder of the Golden Ticket--someone to hypothetically replace Charlie. Apparently, the new character was supposed to be as unsavory of attitude and action as the previous four finders. To include me with such objectionable figures as the gluttonous Augustus Gloop or the irksome Violet Beauregarde is as insulting as it is distasteful. Furthermore, to address me by my Christian name and to insinuate my immaturity by calling me "Young Mr. Philips" is just disrespectful.

I also take issue with efforts to impugn my integrity. As anyone in this school's administration will tell you, I am a man of high principles. Ponder, if you will, my 7 months at this institution. Has there once been a formal complaint about my conduct? Have I ever been charged with being anything less than completely professional? I thought not. To say that I am a "selfish" and "very nasty boy" is absolutely unnecessary.

Esteemed colleagues, I think you know libel when you see it. You understand this article was a tactless ploy by a student body frustrated by homework, eager to lash out. As always, your support is appreciated, and I hope that in the future you will remain just as vigilant against such abuse. Lord knows I will.



UPDATE: I recently came across more libelous material and I wanted to be first to share it with you. Just to set the record straight, in no way do I:


  • "get a 0% on the test"

  • "always say 'It's mine! that's all mine give it to me!! I hate you!'"

  • "always say bad words. 'Fxxk you! You xxxxx!!'"


  • have purple hair

  • have a "very rich" mother


Don't believe the lies. They are destroying our community.





9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Regarding the attack on you, it can recall several occasions in which you screamed "Mine, all mine," or something similar. Also, your mom is rich, when compared to a Korean. (Maybe a North Korean.) Though to be fair, your luck hasn't been all that great.

Hana said...

weak defense, i say!

The Expat said...

That kid nailed it on the head, Young Mr. Phillips.

The Expat said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Open Micah said...

"Hana", I have word that you suggested that the kid print such libel. Shame on you.

And George, you can suck it.

Hana said...

What's up with the deleted comment? Somebody hurt your feelings?

I would never do such a thing. It must be the same person who scribbled in your monthly enema and bowel movement schedule on your calendar! People these days! Pah!

Open Micah said...

I knew it! Why would you laugh so hard at your own joke?

Hana said...

I laughed because you actually considered that just maybe, in a delirious moment, you actually did write it yourself. Although I still haven't admitted to anything.

Open Micah said...

I knew I didn't write it, but the word "Enema" did look like my handwriting. It fooled me.